FAQ

Prepared by: Zahra Ibrahimi

Q:     I am 20 and a college student. My parents have been urging me for about a whole year to accept the marriage proposal by a second cousin of mine in whom. I am not interested at all. I am very religious (by Allah’s Grace) and I know my religion-Islam considers obeying one’s parents to be among one’s most significant duties. But I cannot make myself marry the one I do not love at all. I know I can never be a good wife for the one I do not care for, while being a good wife is, according to our faith, one of the best ways for a woman to please Allah. So, I think I should marry the man I love. Would you please let me know if I am wrong? (Sanaz, Ankara) 

A:  Dear Sanaz, You are not wrong. According to Islam, everybody has the right to marry the person of his or her choice, even if his/her parents recommend someone else. There are in fact a number of Ahadith from the Infallible pointing to this personal right. True, one’s parents are to be held in much respect and obeyed, (as far as obeying them does not lead to violation of rights), marriage being a very special and indeed fateful event in one’s personal life must be decided on with great care and out of one’s own free will. You can, with Allah’s help explain the matter to your parents most respectfully and in a way that will not lead to their displeasure. We pray to Allah for your success in your goal of leading a life of devotion.

Q:   I am the father of a 5 year old girl, but unfortunately I couldn’t establish a good relationship with her, so far. Please guide me in this matter. (Ibrahim, Malaysia)

  A: Being a father is a gift from God, but you don’t forget that it also is a serious responsibility. The mother is not a single parent, so a good dad should relate to his children mentally and emotionally. A burden carried together is much lighter. Here are some tips to share the load and make being a quality father easier.

Be present.

The biggest thing a dad needs to learn is to be home when they are home. Being 100% present keeps the anger bug at bay. If you are actually listening and responding to your wife and kids when you are home, they won’t be in your face or on your nerves nearly as much as when you come home distracted by a problem at work. When you are home, be home, be with them and give them the attention that all people seek for from those they love. If you can be present, being a quality father gets much easier.

One-on-one time

The kids have a real need for attention. One way to satisfy that need is through one-on-one time. You will be a good dad if you follow just this one piece of advice. Take your kids on daddy-daughter (or father-son) dates once a month and take your wife out once a week. This is time you spend bonding as a father with your kids and as a husband with your wife. It is important! Take the time to have one-on-one time, and like we talked about above, be 100% in the moment with them when you are alone with them. You will have better relationships with all of the family and you’ll hear them praise you, which gives you the extra push to be a better dad that you need.

Kid time

Dad’s who don’t spend time with kids without mom around are missing out. If you really want to have a sense of ownership over being a parent, take time with just your kid without the maternal influence around. Kids will act different when mom’s eyes aren’t on them and you want to be a part of that. Give them the opportunity.