Woman in the Family | ||
Woman in the Family Compiled by: Fatimah Khaz'aii Part two As you know, a woman plays various roles in the family. In the previous issue, we discussed her role regarding her parents and also her role regarding her husband. In this issue, you will read about her role as a mother in the family. 3- Woman and her children: Undoubtedly children are a source of great joy and delight; they make life sweet, bring more rizq into a family's life and give hope. Islam places responsibility on the shoulders of every individual; not one person is leftout. Parents - especially mothers - are made responsible for providing their children with a solid upbringing and sound Islamic education, based on the noble characteristics that the Prophet (PBUH) declared that he had been sent to complete and spread among people:
Motherhood is a long-term duty. From the time the embryo is formed in woman's womb, she begins raising the child up to school time. Afterwards, though the child is independent, s/he is affected by the mother in some way throughout the life. Of course, mother's evident role is very important in the period of breastfeeding and childhood. During this long period, all aspects of the child's personality are shaped by the mother. In fact, the child receives major assets from the mother and his future is formed accordingly. Educational situations, too, affect the child in the same way as the mother wishes. That is why Islam has many recommendations to mothers in pregnancy, delivery, breastfeeding, and other periods. Physical guidelines such as proper nutrition and mental relaxing ones should be followed. All these aspects are effective in motherhood and well-educating of children. This is the most beautiful skill of woman; a skill exclusively in her own hands. As a result, in benevolent education and support of woman's rights, this great aspect of woman's life should be considered, not sacrificing it for other transitory social roles. The mottos of freedom and equality should not undermine this great mission of motherhood. All logical scholars are concerned about family issues and woman's role in family, so that the family does not break up and woman plays her role inside it. They are worried that woman accepts manly responsibilities and forgets her own mission; a mission greater than manly works and imitating the male gender. The mother's responsibility in bringing up the children and forming their characters is greater than that of the father, because children tend to be closer to their mother and spend more time with her; she knows all about their behavioral, emotional and intellectual development during their childhood and the difficult years of adolescence. Hence the woman who understands the teachings of Islam and her own educational role in life, knows her complete responsibility for the upbringing of her children, as is referred to in the Qur'an: "O you who have faith! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones . . ." The Holy Qur'an, Al-Tahrim 6 The family home is a microcosm of society in which the children's mentality, intellect, attitudes and inclinations are formed when they are still very small and are ready to receive sound words of guidance. Hence the parents' important role in forming the minds of their sons and daughters and directing them towards truth and good deeds is quite clear. Muslim women have always understood their responsibility in raising their children, and they have a brilliant record in producing and influencing great men, and instilling noble values in their hearts. There is no greater proof of that than the fact that intelligent and brilliant women have produced more noble sons than have intelligent and brilliant men, so much so that you can hardly find any among the great men of our ummah who have controlled the course of events in history who is not indebted to his mother. Understanding the psychology of her children and being aware of their differences in attitudes and inclinationis one of the most important characteristics of a wise mother. She tries to penetrate her children's innocent world and plant the seeds of noble values and worthy characteristics, using the best and most effective methods of parenting. A Wise Mother * Is naturally close to her children, and she endears herself to them so that they will be open with her and will share their thoughts and feelings with her. She hastens to correct them and refine their thoughts and feelings, taking into account each child's age and mental level. She plays and jokes with them sometimes, complimenting them and letting them hear words of love, affection, compassion and self-denial. Thus their love for her increases, and they will accept her words of guidance and correction eagerly. They will obey her out of love for her, for there is a great difference between sincere obedience that comes from the heart, which is based on love, respect and trust, and insincere obedience that is based on oppression, violence and force. The former is lasting obedience, strong and fruitful, whilst the latter is shallow and baseless, and will quickly vanish when the violence and cruelty reach extreme levels. * Treats all her children fairly and equally. She understands that children are a gift from Allah and that Allah's gift, be it of sons or daughters, cannot be rejected or changed: “To Allah belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates whatever He wishes; He gives females to whomever He wishes; and gives males to whomever He wishes, or He combines them males and females, and makes sterile whoever He wishes. Indeed He is all-knowing, all-powerful." The Holy Qur'an, Al-Shura 49-50
This sound upbringing will fill them with optimism, trust, hope and proper ambition. Thus the caring Muslim mother demonstrates her love and affection for her children on every occasion, flooding their lives with joy and happiness and filling their hearts with confidence and security. * Is aware of things that may have an influence onher children, she keeps her eyes open as far as her children are concerned. She knows what they are reading and writing, the hobbies and activities they pursue, the friends they have chosen, and the places they go to in their free time. She knows all of this without her children feeling that she is watching them. If she finds anything objectionable in their hobbies, reading-materials, etc., or if she sees them hanging around with undesirable friends, or going to unsuitable places, or taking up bad habits such as smoking, or wasting time and energy on haram games that teach them to get used to trivialities, she hastens to correct her children in a gentle and wise manner, and persuades them to return to the straightway. The mother is more able to do this than the father, because she spends much more time with the children, and they are more likely to open up and share their thoughts and feelings with her than with their father. Hence it is quite clear that the mother has a great responsibility to bring up her children properly and form their characters in a sound fashion, in accordance with Islamic principles, values and traditions. Successful upbringing of children depends on a mother who is alert and intelligent, and understands her responsibility towards her children, so that she does a good job and raises children who will be a boon to their parents and society in general. Children would not become a source of evil if their parents, especially the mother knew their responsibility and took it seriously.
The wise Muslim woman knows how to reach her children's hearts and instill these worthy qualities, using the best and most effective methods, such as setting a good example, coming down to their level, treating them well, encouraging them, advising and correcting them, and being compassionate, kind, tolerant, loving, and fair. She is gentle without being too lenient, and is strict without being harsh. Thus the children receive a proper upbringing, and grow up open-minded, mature, righteous, sincere, good, and able to give and prepared to make a constructive contribution in all aspects of life. Not surprisingly, the Muslim mother's upbringing produces the best results, for she is the first school and the first teacher. May Almighty Allah support all modest women in playing their crucial role in making a better society for a better life! Amen.
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